Category: Funny

This video supposedly of Glenn Hubbard’s version of “Every breath you take” about how he didn’t get Greenspan’s job at the Fed is a touch of genius.

Glenn Hubbard does Sting, “Every breath you take”

A kiwi (the bird, not a New Zealander) gets a prosthetic leg with the help of the Lord of the Rings film crew.

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Tahi the kiwi gets a new leg

How likely to cause offence does something have to be?

Even if it is slightly early.

Horoscopes for the week starting Monday 27th March 2006:

Aries March 21-April 19

On Thursday you may have a strange deja vu experience involving a bag of Walkers crisps. This kind of thing never used to happen with Golden Wonder. Those were the days.

Taurus April 20-May 20

Did you remember the clocks went forward on Saturday night or did you come into work an hour late this morning like a complete Muppet? I think we both know the answer to that.

Gemini May 21-June 21

If you’re near the South Pole this week you better watch out for the hole in the ozone layer. If you’re not careful, you’ll fall through it and out of the bottom of the planet.

Cancer June 22-July 22

Try to learn a new word each day this week, but rather than learning an obscure one make it a really obvious one that everyone else knows but you’ve never quite picked up because you’re a bit thick.

Leo July 23-August 22

Leo’s who work in big organisations this week will thrive. It’s not a week to be an individual, it’s a week to be a worker ant as part of a hive mind. However, if you start to grow an exoskeleton and carrying sugar around you’ve taken this too far.

Virgo August 23-September 22

You should avoid going out this week if you think you’ve got a cracked rib. It’s just asking for trouble. And yes, I mean you.

Libra September 23-October 22

Try making something nice out of crepe paper this week, and try not to wonder why crepe paper isn’t made of pancakes.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

They say curiosity killed the cat but that’s no reason to sit in your back bedroom window with an air rifle waiting for one to nose around your garden.

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

On Wednesday you’ll see a cloud that looks a lot like an animal, but no-one else will be able to see it. And then you’ll see an animal that looks like a cloud. That’s a sheep.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

Nothing’s going to happen to you this week. You will just be an innocent bystander in the play of life, which isn’t too bad as you could do with the break.

Aquarius January 20-February 18

You finished the last of your birthday cake last week, which is a bit of a blow. You’ll need to find a new snack to tide you over until lunch.

Pisces February 19-March 20

Although you may well find work a struggle this week, try not to punch anyone. I know it’s hard but it really won’t do any good. If this advice doesn’t get through, then the stars show you looking for a new job in the near future.

Horoscopes for the week starting Monday 20th March 2006:

Aries March 21-April 19

If you’re having guests around in the second half of the week make sure you clean up all the crips crumbs which are all down the sides of the sofa. It’s not pleasant to sit down with a crunch.

Taurus April 20-May 20

If you happen to play for Sunderland Football Club, this would be a good time to start looking ahead to the summer transfer window. If you live in Sunderland, move.

Gemini May 21-June 21

The clocks going forward on Sunday will be especially confusing this year, and you’ll feel even more cheated out of that hour of sleep than usual. Think of it as a savings account where you get the hour back in October and it won’t seem to bad.

Cancer June 22-July 22

You may wake up on Tuesday not knowing where you are. Hopefully it’s just temporary and you’re not a kidnap victim, but don’t get into any strange cars on Monday night just to be sure.

Leo July 23-August 22

It’ll be one of those weeks where you find out lots of interesting facts, but somehow when you tell them to other people they won’t sound so interesting any more and everyone will just stand around in an uncomfortable silence.

Virgo August 23-September 22

Brighten up a dull week by winding up a builder. Tell him you want something like a cross between a pergola and a conservatory, and ask him to quote for building a purgatory on the back of your house.

Libra September 23-October 22

It’ll be one of those weeks where you hear lots of good jokes, but somehow when you tell them to other people they won’t find them quite so funny and everyone will just stand around in an uncomfortable silence. Try not to get stuck in a conversation with a Leo at a party because you’re both on a “crash and burn” type week.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

You’ll remember it’s Mother’s Day on Saturday night when it’s too late to do much about it. Even this reminder won’t help much, you’re that disorganised.

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

Try not to do any of the following activities in a particularly accident-prone week: skydiving, bear-baiting, lion-taming, beekeeping, sudoko.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

Try not to get pregnant this week as any baby will have a birthday far to close to Christmas and you know all too well how annoying that is.

Aquarius January 20-February 18

By Thursday, you’ll probably start hearing the phrase “But didn’t you spend last night watching football?”. If you’re a female then you may find yourself saying this phrase.

Pisces February 19-March 20

You may learn on Tuesday that your front room is on a public footpath and you’ll have to let people with beards, walking boots and anoraks through the front room while you’re trying to watch telly. It’s probably best just to move the telly.