Category: Funny

Gordon Strachan – Football Manager and Comic Genius

On Wayne Rooney… “It’s an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you’re
more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran
Eriksson.”

Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word please?”
Strachan: “Velocity” [walks off]

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.

Reporter: “Gordon, what will you take from today?”
Strachan: I’ve got more important things to think about. I’ve got a
yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.

Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I’m just going to crumble like a wreck. I’ll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There’s no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we’re all quite positive round here. So
I’m going to whack you over the head with a big stick – down negative
man, down.

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the
right man to turn things around?

Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m
useless.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It’s a secret.

Reporter: “What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?”
Strachan: “I don’t do impressions”

Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?
Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!

Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you
play?
Strachan: If I was English I’d top myself

Joke

Recently a “Husband Super Store” opened where women could go to choose a
husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the
men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to
choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go
back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some
husbands…

First floor

The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The
women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job
or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.” “Hmmm,” said the ladies, “But, I wonder what’s
further up?”

Third floor

This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good
looking, love kids and help with the housework.” “Wow,” said the women,
“Very tempting.” But there was another floor, so further up they went. “

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids,
are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong
romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me,” they cried, “Just think what must be
awaiting us further on! “

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to
prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your
left. “